New feature: Vintage Reads! 1st up: Baldwin! 'Giovanni's Room'

Hello my dears. As you know we (me) at EllenTenTen  are snugly ensconced in a weird nostalgia/love for all things old. I know why, if you want to lift up that scab and look at the platelets underneath it: the present is complex. It's great, loud, headachy, wishy washy and so REAL. ALL the atoms/facets/possibilities are NOW. The past becomes so much simpler. It's comforting. It presents less options. All the good stuff has floated to the top already. For some reason, if I am feeling 'eh" or even 'meh' one morning, I know that if I put on large 60s dangle hoops, some cutely corresponding clothing, and then crank up my beloved Dirty Dancing record, I will feel like the world is easy for me to deal with/exist in etc.

We love vintage.

Paradoxically, if we're saying the the present presents an overwhelming choice of options, and we scape into simplicity through vintage, the world of vintage clothing presents MORE options-- in a good way. It's so weird but true that at times, looking for clothing, if you are stuck with Kohl's, JCP, TJ Maxx, Nordstrom's, etc., (even Asos!? I don't wanna believe that though) you will be looking a certain way: trends happen. Mystically huge trends, that sweep across a nation so that, for example, in the early aughts one (I) simply COULD NOT, without extreme trying, find a non-low waist pair of pants. So frustrating.
However, once you dip into a thrift shop, all options across time (usually from the 40s up tho) are available!
It's thrilling, what a relief.

In any case, moving on to literature-- I not only love vintage music, clothing, decor, but let's clap our hands as well for literature. It doens't get called vintage though, it's just Literature. I am a HUGE reader and would love to share with you all some books that have really ROCKED MY WORLD. When thinking of "vintage"y books, that I love, the first one that glaringly needed to be shared is one tome by the late great James Baldwin.

"Giovanni's Room" rocked my soul and I'd like it to rock yours as well. For some reason I gravitate toward intense gay love stories. I feel I may have been a gay man in my past life. You know the movie Carol? That's like the female version of "Giovanni's Room."

But let's start at a better place.

James Baldwin is a great first author for this, EllenTenTen's inaugeral book post. For one: the Man Had Style.
LOOK:

I mean, it's undeniable--  the man's style was overflowing. Style is, obviously, an expression of self. As is writing. Baldwin's self specific knowledge and able articulation was such that he steps out of the house like above. I mean, really.

The sexy, young, feelin it vibe:

Yessir:

and this:

Please take it upon yourself to be touched by these photos and, if not read Baldwin, then emulate him: the world needs us all to be deeply ourselves. Everything is else is boring and doesn't even fit well. 

The Point of Vintage

We colorful people give others things other than basics. We give ya color!

What to Wear When You're In Love with an Asshole

SO! You’re in love with an asshole.

Well, first of all, take one chunk of shitty-feelings off your shoulders by realizing that you are not alone. Have we not all loved assholes at one time or another? Or have we not all loved a person who was maybe alright but acted like an asshole to us?

God, it’s that kind of over-empathy which gets us in these positions.


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Not sure who those people are but the girl is on point, I know it.

Anyway. I can honestly say, better to have loved an asshole than not at all. I really can. Please don’t click away from the page right now when I say that the experience of loving someone fully is something to behold. If they’re an asshole, then they lose you, though. And you cry. But really, to love, to behold, to adore someone…

Well, you know the feeling.

But what should you do when you love an asshole?

Cozy up, my dear, and let’s talk about it.

Put on a robe

(o)

Or a chemise to make your horrid not-leaving-the-apartment look feel a little more fabulous

(o)

And then take a good look at your walking shoes

(o)

Because eventually you are going to do just that.

Might as well get your coat, too (o)

Because ya on yer way.

You know it, and I know it.

Now. Your asshole is charming, loving, thoughtful, sincere. Maybe literally, (and good for you if so!) but I mean this metaphorically, about your asshole mate/partner/would-be love/person-who-is-driving you crazy. Basically they're all that and a bag of sweet and salty chips, but s/he just can’t seem to stay that way when more than four feet in gazing distance away from you, right? Right.

The thing is, they had a very bad childhood. And/or are an alcoholic, drug addict (shall we add thief?), cheater (but only because they thought you'd really left them!) And/or, the greatest of all, they're just "going through something." :D CONGRATS, asshole! Now I, too, am  going through something!
Ahem.
It's really not just STDs that spread between lovers. It's almost every single thing about a person.

In any case, this person literally, in some way, shape or form, has some reason they simply CANNOT do the decent thing with you. (I.e., treat ya right.) Treat you just-  nice. Like- ALL THE TIME. Like, even when you are not staring into love/asshole's eyes, stroking hair from love/asshole's face. Even then!  

No matter what the "reason" why, this person is not good for you. The reasons for bad treatment are myriad. They may be very sad for your love/asshole, but it is YOU who's actually crying about it, eh? EH??

THINK ABOUT THAT!

So, the bottom line is, you need what you need. A relationship is about TWO people, darling! TWO! And YOU are one of them, with actually JUST AS MUCH NEED/RIGHTS TO BE HAPPY as the other, no matter his/her sad and sorry state. Do they cry about you? Are they writing in their journal/songs/documentary/inotes about you? Or is it just YOU doing that?

Another thing to ponder.

Are you the star of their story, as they are yours (which is becoming a weepy tragedy)? In the end, the reasons for assholishness do not matter. Maybe sociologically they're interesting. Maybe anthropologically, maybe in a gnarly and slanted bio pic about his life, maybe THAT is where all the interest and empathy can go as far as Why Your Love/Asshole Must Be This Way. But for you, and YOUR STORY--

(I.E. :: YOUR LIFE!)

-- it doesn’t matter. What should matter to you is YOUR story, and that what’s happening in it lately is that you are being shit on. Yes. What does an asshole do? It shits. It shits, and it is shitting- on you.

I never thought about it that way!! But dang, really fitting.

It does suck that even as we speak you’re probably a little uncomfortable because of a UTI of a recent enthusiastic love fest. It's annoying that if your asshole acts assholish about your demand to be treated just *decently* ---then you feel bad.

But don't reason with an asshole. It will just stink and get messy.

Put on some comfortable, or sexy, or bright and I-mean-business clothes, go outside of your house and be around things, think about things, do things, that are not stinking of the asshole who is causing you pain. Just go outside of your story for a minute. Look around and you will find things that lift you and reassure you.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4WgGOqgWbY

It's true that true love hurts. Right? Cuz it gets in deep, like lemon juice in a cut. But sometimes things hurt and it just ain't right, like he invites you to a party and you get all dressed up and then he doesn't introduce you to anyone and you stand next to him like the mute unic servant and he simply listens while people console him on another woman.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ic0kVyWORqA

Good luck, lady. Think about this: you deserve just as much care and attention as he does.
What he feels should not determine your reality.

I love tacky things, I like trashy things too.

Why is it that I can't resist tacky, trashy things? I love them.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a man with whom I am constantly mad. Other times we lay in bed lovingly.

I was going over a thing where this girl I don't know was telling her ex, my friend, bitchy comments about my etsy store! She SAID I mislabeled a pair of pants as the wrong decade. Well, I didn't. But moreover, I don't know her! "You don't just criticize someone's work [by way of introduction]," I said to my (more or less) man.
Do you consider etsy your "work?" he said. He has real (: well-paid) artistic "work."  So he's askin me.

Yeah, I do, I said. The photos take work. I do a lot to make them look as good as possible, and the whole store is about aesthetic. It's my aesthetic. It's feminine, bold, a little trashy. That's what I like. It's everything I would have considered fabulous when I was eight--

A little what? he said. Say that again.

It's feminine, bold, trashy---

Trashy? he said. I like that. I like hearing you say that.

Pursing my lips, narrowing my eyes. He used to tell me I reminded him of the girl in one of his favorite  movies: True Romance. I looked her up: Prostitute. Cool. *Shrug of cynicism*

How did I fall in love with someone who sees me as a caricature?

He did- that's what interested him, maybe. Then he got to know ME- and I was even better than he thought, of course.
But not good enough. I don't know. I feel sad.

When you find someone to love, and then they drag you around.
If I was a meme-maker, I would show this picture:

and caption it:

WAITING FOR A MAN YOU LOVE WHO TREATS YOU RIGHT.

Actually, i hate the whole concept of "treat you right." Should be more normalized than that.

or

when you say GOODBYE FOREVER if you can't treat me with any modicum of normal decency and respect!!
than you never hear from them again and also they're mad at you because, obviously, you left because you NEVER REALLY LOVED THEM.

Oh, anyway. That's a little explanation of my aesthetic here at Ellen Ten Ten. Bold, feminine, trashy.

And never without love lorn, dammit. I bet that's an aesthetic itself, one I've unfortunately bought WAY into. 

HOLIDAY VINTAGE! What to Wear for the Casual Holiday Party

December. After the thrill of skittering leaves and wearing burgundy has passed, it's time to pile on the green, gold, glitter and even some huge and shining Christmas-ornament earrings that will bobble below your lobes just as tipsily as you could hope to be walking at any given holiday party. Musing upon what to wear for holiday occasions is pretty much just as fun as thinking up decorating for the holidays (glitter) holiday manicures (glitter) and holiday baking (yes, glitter.)


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But we're talking about clothes here. And while swanky soirees may be in my mind, in my family, holiday time is more casual. As much as I'd like to wear bright green, sequin-bedecked leggings, I need to calm my sequin fantasies JUST A BIT.  Because a holiday outfit for me is one in which I will be sitting around for hours, eating, drinking, shout-singing to my father's piano playing, and only getting up to get another drink, more dessert, or to terrorize my nephews and cousin's kids by running at them with a monster voice and horrible face. I don't want to have to worry about some little Hurcalees a-grabbin on to my cool lariat or what have you. I WOULD have a lariat, I tell you!!

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So for my holiday outfit,  things need to be cozier, more casual. Not cargo pants casual, for God's sake. But still.

This year, I actually feel my ahn-sahm was a little too- TOO. You know? Why do I always have to? Why can't I just wear some cute blue suede booties, skinny jeans, and a seasonally appropriate, hunter- green, oversized sweater, as one of my mother's one hundred Land's End catalogs has pretty much convinced me??

I mean look at this Land's End woman:

If that's not holiday casual and so freaking APPROPRIATE then I really don't know what is. (However I can not abide this lack of glitter on her person.) (PS, what's in the box? I feel it is a battery-powered facial scrubber with rotating head. Is that just me?)

Next year, I will have a cozy and casual outfit. NEXT YEAR! For now, here are some holiday causal outfits for your own cozy, rather practical, but still seasonal and festive day.

Viola! -- Oversized wool turtleneck:

Or perhaps a classic wool V neck?

(Despite my purposeful strain towards casuality, I am now feeling that metallic gold pants would go best with these sweaters to create that swingin' holiday vibe! Picture it! Next to a crackling fire!)


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Hell yeah baby. Martini time.

*Clink*

Ok, so now that I've worked it out mentally here, I can now formulate and visualize the perfect causal but festive and holiday-ish outfit. Do things like these apparently come natural to some people?
Well good for them! As for me, in conclusion:

the above casual items, plus metallic gold ankle pants-- YES, FLUFFSHOP!--

or maybe some less constricting looking ones for better pie eating in comfort-- I love these below from Jackpot Jen--

That's casual festive! Add a little shine, a little bobble--

and these truly AB FAB heels!

Next year, self. Next year I will DOMINATE CASUAL FESTIVE!!!


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Casually, like. No biggie.

confidence!

I am the Greatest! There is No One Better than ME!
SO said Muhammed Ali.
                                                                             

             Wear it well :)

Vintage Black Red Tiger Stri... RogueRetro $25	Vintage 80s Bright yellow Su... freebornstreet $96	1980s vintage green fringe c... ClashDayton $30	Vintage 80s Floral Sweater. ... ElevatedWeirdo $20
FRUITY 1970's 80's V... Jewels4pandas $39.99	Vintage 80s Dress - Bright T... SecondShiftVin... $38	80's ABSTRACT BACKLESS D... CherryBombVint... $48	Vintage Sweater 80s Sweater ... 2sweet4wordsVi... $40
1980s 50s inspired vintage d... capricornvinta... $53	VINTAGE 80s swimsuit/bathing... BORDERLINEvtg $25	Vintage Christian Dior Bodys... SecondShiftVin... $96	Vintage 80s Party Dress - N... SecondShiftVin... $38
Vintage 80's Halter Jump... TopShelfVintag... $59.99	Vintage 80's Sweatshirt ... CharlottesKat $25	80s Crop Top Sequined Beaded... sheandhervinta... $38	Vintage 1980s Hand Painted P... bodypartsandcr... $150

...So said the Ted Talk I watched today.

Often I've thought about people who I think are dumbasses, yet who are apparently so self-confident. What a quandary, lol.  It's come to me that everyone needs, or has in any case, a personal mythology of themselves. These confident dumbasses seem to believe very strongly a story they've told themselves in which they feature as the hero. We all have a personal mythology anyway: I am this, I came from that. A lot of times it's victimy: I am this because of that, I did or didn't do this because of that. It's the story we've told ourselves, our wrap-up of  all the days and our outcome: today's outcome.

Today I was watching this and that online and came into some Ted Talks which eventually led me to  one on confidence. The main idea is that repetition and good self talk make for confidence. That confidence is a skill one can master. I tend to believe this. And it makes sense to me to take on this philosophy- to talk well to yourself, because there's enough out there that's telling you you can't do it.

Practice, repetition, and the skill of perserveringly disbelieving those unkind self voices. This leads to a confidence that you can count on. Personally, my confidence is pretty average I'd say- but only because it sails between I AM LIKE NO ONE ELSE EVER! HOW AMAZING I WAS BORN TO BE ME! HAS ANYONE EVER EXPERIENCED THIS KIND OF JOY BEFORE, I DON'T THINK SO! and Oh shit, nothing is ever good, I know why- yes, it's me, something is broken and yet so vaguely that I will never fix it, how embarrassing, how sad, how decrepit, how pitiful, -- etcetc.

In any case. Here's the Ted Talk.  Go listen and be inspired!

And should you wake up missing some confidence, perhaps spurge on one of the above pieces and strut your stuff  in all the fabulous things you are impelled to wear. With confidence!

Love is a Losing Game - Amy Winehouse

Just in time for Valentine's Day.

Recently I watched the documentary Amy, about Amy Winehouse.

You know, I bought Back to Black in 2007 or so, and I dug it, I really related to a lot of it.

And even now, when I wasted all day listening and watching youtube videos of her, I just want to go outside and smoke a cigarette, and I barely smoke.

                                 

The things that pop out to me are that Amy had all the time in the world to just follow her passions. She wanted to-- she says in the movie all she wants to do is smoke weed and sing and write-- but really all of our passions aren't good or healthy. We obsess, we get drawn down into a whirlpool. She certainly did. It may sound silly but if she had a job she had to go to, a boring job like we all want to get away from, then maybe she would have kept her head above water. Don't we all have to clean up and pretend we're fine for work? And then sometimes, it even works, lol. We get outside of our own heads and we are fine.

Two other things in particular are about her style and looks.  Amy's style seems to have become like a caricature of herself, or of a pin-up, like the tattoos on her arms. That says something obvious, though I'm not sure exactly what right now. But morever, the girl was herself. Her messy eyeliner and hair, her regular jeans and belt and tank top with bra showing. How many women wear this? I love that her every-day casual, she was fine with. Bra strap, messy eyeliner, sneakers. No consultant, demographics expert to tell her what to wear.  And there she would go onstage, on a talk show, dressed in some totally normal-girl outfit, with style out the wazoo, though, just being her own strong self. Really listen to her lyrics- this woman knew herself, could articulate herself.This look stands in such strong contrast to me to the extremely expertly made-up and overly smooth look overflowing instagram today. I'd rather the informal, the real.

However, no matter her strengths, her style also harmed her. You know what also killed her, besides the drugs? Bulimia. She was taking (this is all my gleaning from the documentary) all the drugs and alcohol her husband Blake was, but she couldn't have been more than 90s pounds, and on top of that, not a natural 90s pounds, but a body which had been racked by bulimia. She told her parents she was throwing up all her food when she was a teen. But they really didn't do anything about it. In the end, it looked as if her large bubbling-over breasts would be a burden or struggle for her tiny toothpick body to hold. She was all heels, hair and breasts. And isn't this what society wants most of women? No, not really...but on the other hand, yes, in a primary colors, the easiest to see way. Amy started being bulimic as a teen. It's astounding how healthy she looked back then. Her skin was so clear, her body so much bigger. The whole hair and boobs thing reminds me of something I read in Seventeen magazine back when I was a teen, in the 90s. This was before Sassy magazine paved the way (and then somehow got run out of business) for making teen-girl magazines (and later, all magazines, all, followed suit) actually readable and relatable instead of how they all used to be, which was sort of prissily written in instruction form by a non-teen authoritative talk voice. Anyway, in this magazine, they interviewd the man on the street, or boy, as this case is. Actually, this magazine could have been YM, which I don't think is published anymore. YM used to publish a model search and have the model's legs centimeters and other measurements pulblished also. The 90s were not so far from the 60s, I guess... I can still remember so many images from these glossies. Anyway in this interview, printed and published for millions of young girls, a young man on the street, his picture taken,  was asked what made girls attractive, or what a girl should have that he would be attracted to. His answer was that her breasts should make up the majority of her weight.

!!??? This is a logical joke, and now the trend in magazines for young girls is to be all empowering, etc., of course complete with exersize guides.  But in this magazine, stripped of the pretension of caring, they actually published this comment as a legitimate thing, and for young girls to read, in all seriousness.

And Amy succeeded in that, it would seem.  She was strong, a strong person from the start. A personality that wasn't shy and wasn't hiding herself at all. And it takes strength to be so self destructive, to master one's bodily needs until your body is pretty much dying from it. But at the same time, even someone so strong fell prey to this ridiculous ask of women- to be so small in all ways, except in the way of a cartoonish sexual image. I guess there's the ironic answer to the question of all those cartoonish pin ups on her arms She literally made those images a part of her, wrote them on her body, and then became that, as much as she could. There's a part in the documentary where her doctor is saying that he little body can't take all the drugs. Of course the drugs alone were horrid and bad for your health, and all the drinking. But combined with a tiny body in revolt and with no strength due to years of bulimia?

In the documentary at one point Amy and her family and friends are on a tropical island, vacationing for six months or so. She's tiny, riding a horse, holding someone's baby. She's cut her hair to shoulder length, and it's curly and black, natural. This image stays with me. I feel like if she had lived, she would have eventually grown in new directions and styles, like we all do, and this picture of her in a way I had never seen- more natural, less makeup, shorter hair-- made me think of the music she would have made then, in her older, future self. How we all would have loved it!

But of course, that never happened. She was so strong in herself and so sure, and still. Anyway. Enjoy:





Okay, update. I was totally sucked into Amy's world. It was like a mental trigger toward that type of spiral... damn I'm so easy. Then I was sitting in a diner waiting for my late date... and all this goofy music we've all heard a million times was coming on. And I remembered-- that type of intensity that Amy was drawn to, that I am, and that makes everything else seem dim and not worth it in comparison--

it leaves out a few things. Goofiness. And mundanity. Just hanging out, laughing, breathing. And songs like these:

Yes. Just regular goofy normalcy. It's pretty good.
Funny thing is, the guy who wrote this song had his Amy days, too.
Anyway.
Diners and classic rock. Such salves!!